Three Types of People

and the Lessons Only Fathers Can Teach

Father's Day is a weird day for me. And I know it's a hard day for many.

Hard for those who had wonderful father figures in their lives and miss them terribly. Weird for me because while my father is still alive, there's no relationship there. No "Happy Father's Day" text to send. No call to make. Just this strange space where a connection should be.

I've come to believe we choose our families - our fathers and mothers - for specific reasons. There are lessons we're here to learn from them, even when the teaching style isn't what we would have chosen.

I think there are three types of people in this world: those who repeat the pain they experienced, those who do the complete opposite of what they saw, and those who heal from that pain and give others what they never had themselves. They create space for people to have the life they never got the opportunity to live. I identify with the 3rd, you?

For the longest time, I didn't know what lessons I came here to learn from my father. My upbringing wasn't what I now recognize as safe, caring, or loving. But I didn't understand just how different it was until I met some pretty incredible fathers along the way.

The father of my daughters was one of them - sweet, loving, affectionate. Always telling them how capable and wonderful they are. Always showing them, not just telling them, how much he loves them. Then there were other men , also incredible fathers I've been privileged to know and share part of my journey with who were devoted, compassionate, with an unwavering love for their kids that seemed foreign to me at first. Until I realized that's just what unconditional love looks like. That's what fatherhood is - a selfless man.

So on this Father's Day, while there's no card to send or call to make, no bruch to share, no lobsters to be had, I share with you what I do on father’s day, I express gratitude for two profound lessons my father taught me, even if he never meant to.

The first lesson was boundaries. Setting boundaries with him were some of the hardest things I've ever had to do, especially because it meant moving very far away from him - and therefore my entire family. Sometimes I catch myself feeling like I've done a poor job with boundaries with other people along the way, forgetting that I have what it takes to protect myself from anything and anyone. But then I remember: the hardest boundary was already set. The lesson was already learned.

The second lesson, and probably the most important one, was forgiveness. Don't get me wrong - I still feel pain, anger, and resentment like everyone else in life. But I'm able to reach forgiveness more often than not because he taught me that one. He showed me that despite any hurt, pain, or hardship, there's always the beautiful side of forgiveness waiting. When you get there - when you finally arrive at that place - it all makes so much more sense. All the pieces fall into place. You start feeling purpose and love.

And ultimately, isn't that why we're all here?

So today, on this Father's Day, I'm choosing to thank him - even if it's just in my own head and heart. Thank you for teaching me to protect myself. Thank you for teaching me to forgive. Thank you for the lessons I didn't know I was learning until I was strong enough to understand them.

Maybe that's what Father's Day could be for all of us - a day to reflect on the lessons our fathers taught us, whatever those lessons were. For those missing fathers who loved them well, maybe it's gratitude for the lesson of unconditional love, or patience, or how to show up for the people you care about. For those whose fathers are still here, actively doing the incredible work of raising children with intention and heart - thank you. You're teaching lessons about safety, about worth, about what it means to be seen and cherished. Your children are learning what love looks like in real time.

And for those of us whose lessons came wrapped differently - there's still gratitude to be found. Gratitude for the fathers who existed and fathered us so we could learn what we came here to learn, even when it was hard. Even when it hurt.

Every father, in some way, shapes who we become. Some teach us how to love by loving us well. Others teach us how to love by showing us what we're capable of despite not receiving it the way we needed.

Both lessons matter. Both have purpose.

And maybe, just maybe, that's enough reason to say thank you on this day - whatever your story is, whatever your lessons were, whatever your Father's Day looks like.

PS: I have only a handful of photos with my father my favorite is the last one I share on this letter, I think we was teaching me to walk, it’s old and blurry but I love this memory, it’s tender and loving.

Thank you as always for allowing to share my thoughts with you

Happy Father’s Day.

xo

S~